I haven’t been posting lately because I’ve been stressed & depressed lately.
My landlord has threatened to evict me because she doesn’t like the way my curtains hang on the rod.
I have an open swag at the top, to let light in when they’re closed. That way nosiey neighbors can’t look in on me, but I still get some daylight. Plus I can watch the clouds float by, on my bad days. The only rule in the policy about curtains is that they have to be white, which they are. Now mind you, other tenants are allowed to have other colored curtains on their windows though & nothing is said to them. Let me also tell you my curtains have hung this way for 3yrs & I also have sheers up too.
This landlord also tried to tell me my dog was due for his rabies shot, back in April. She got really mad & hateful with me when I tried to explain to her that he had a 3yr rabies, as she was walking away from me.
Lately it has been impossible for me to have a civil conversation with this landlord. Every time I try to talk to her, she either interrupts me, or just walks away from me. She has, at times, told me I’m argumentation, when I ask a question when she contradicts herself.
Though I feel she is being unreasonable & unfair in her enforcement on policy with me, while others have her permission to break policy. I’ve never felt I’ve ever treated her with the kind of disrespect that others have, or that she has been towards me. I’m really at a loss of what to do here.
To top things off, my re-certification is coming up in a couple of weeks. I’m really expecting a letter that says she isn’t going to re-certify me now. My lease will be up in Feb (if I get that long).
So, I’m trying to go threw the proper channels of low income housing to move now. Which they are telling me now, I have to re-apply for housing assistance. Who knows how long that will take? I may not have that kind of time, if my lease runs out first. Course none of this is going to matter, if my current landlord doesn’t re-certify me, I won’t be able to get assistance. So I could be looking at homelessness soon.
I have been so stressed out with these worries that I can’t think straight. Not to mention, unable to eat or sleep much either. I’m trying desperately to find something to hang on to for my survival & sanity of mind, as I’m loosing faith in humanity.
The weight of my depression has me bogged down to the point I no longer get dressed right now, or even want to get out of bed. I have come to the point, that it’s more of a comfort to live in my memories. I’m so tired of fighting to just survive anymore. I’m tired of saying everything is fine, when really it isn’t. Poverty & life has beaten me.
My will to live is slipping away from me, & I’m not sure I even care anymore. I’m ready for my lupus to end things for me. Maybe my lupus will be kind to me, & release me.