A few years ago the NM (narcissist mother) in my life was going threw some changes in her life. The company she worked for was closing the branch in her town. NM had the option to keep her job in another town. While NM was contemplating her decision about her job, her husband was gambling heavily & loaning friends, at the bar, money.
So one weekend I get a call, telling me all about these problems. NM suggested that she wanted to leave her husband, & follow her job to this other town. Her idea was that her & I could rent a house together in a town that was between both our jobs.
Now there is a lot of problems with this idea from my prospective, but let’s see what NM has to say about her plan. So she comes to spend a weekend at my place, so we can explore options in this new town, that she wants me to uproot my life for & talk about it.
While on our little adventure of discovery, NM proceeds to tell me that I wouldn’t be allowed to smoke, have pets, have my nasty furniture, among other things, in a house that I was expected to pay half of all the bills for. NM wasn’t very happy with me when I flat out told her that I smoke & enjoy my pets, & if she expected me to pay half of the bills, those things are part of the package. I further told her that I don’t buy cable tv, so that would be her own bill.
I also informed NM, that if she lost her job, I could not support her in the manner that she was use to, she’d have to work. NM loves her expensive, fancy, martha stewart clothing & lifestyle.
I also suggested that since she gets her husband’s money to pay the bills, only give him so much to spend so he can’t be gambling or giving it away. Though I helped her get more control over her husband, I feel no shame or guilt for the cruel way she does it. Her husband is mostly a drunk, enabling her to play her cruel games.
Finally the weekend ends, I can go back to my life, until the next time NM wants to try to turn my world upside down again.
Once again, as always, NM was doing nothing more than calling me to fix her problems. And in the end, she has never left her husband. I guess she decided that she liked his money more, go figure.
As I look back over that weekend, I realize I had boundaries, no fears of losing love that NM never gave me, nor was I to concerned about her feelings or concerns about it.
Somewhere along the lines I lost myself in her deceit & lies. So once again I begin to heal what NM has inflicted upon me.
Thoughts by Naomi