So it’s finally here. I kind of find the holiday some what hypocritical. This is the one day a year that some people, who wouldn’t give you the time of day any other time, suddenly care sooo much about you. Kinda like that christian who’s nice to your face, then slanders you & steals from you behind your back.
Memories from Christmas past.
I remember reading “Twas the Night Before Christmas” to my siblings. I wanted them to feel special being read to, that we didn’t get from our nm (narcissists mother).
As a child, on one christmas, I got my 1st teddy bear. In my years of growing up that bear gave me the comfort I didn’t get from my nm. It became my best & only friend that I could trust to understand & love me, no matter what.
Another christmas, I got my 1st bike, which was also a birthday present, since my birthday is so close to christmas, which happened often. I was so excited to get that bike, with it’s flowered banna seat. That bike gave me my 1st taste of the wind in my face & freedom. When things were bad at home, which was often, I could get on my bike & find some peace & escape.
Another christmas, I got my 1st watch. Which now that I think about it, is kind of ironical. It was a Cinderella watch, coming from a nm, who made me the sg (scapegoat) of the family.
As a teenager, I got my 1st stereo for christmas. It was awesome. With the headphones I could turn the music up & totally disappear from the home life, that I hated so much. Finally I could drown out the anger, rage, & hatefulness of my nm. In my mind, with my music, I could go any where, be any one, & feel a little love.
In all my 50yrs of christmas, those are the ones I most remember. Maybe it’s because those are the ones that made the most impact on my life. Those gifts helped me survive my growing up with a narcissists mother.
Thoughts by Naomi